


Five Times

by Hardrada



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, PWP without Porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 14:01:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28814562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hardrada/pseuds/Hardrada
Summary: Five times that Bones and Jim were there for each other
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Leonard "Bones" McCoy
Comments: 6
Kudos: 47





	Five Times

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all
> 
> Another break from the angst-fic. Just five times these lovely men were there for each other and cared for each other.
> 
> Be aware there is a brief reference to self-harm and childhood violence.
> 
> Thanks as ever, to all of you who read and comment/leave kudos. You are so special.

**_Prologue_ **

Sometimes Bones knew that he was keeping score. He never meant to, but there it was. This kid, who had become his whole world within about two minutes of their meeting in that damn shuttle, was a riddle he had a feeling he would never be able to solve.

And so some days he kept score: today x number of people came on to him. Today he deliberately hurt himself twice and on both occasions he refused to say why. Today he completely lost his temper just once, but he ended up punching a wall instead of a fellow student and broke a knuckle. He had come to Bones then, still angry almost demanding to be fixed. And of course Bones had fixed him. Because he was a doctor. And because this was Jim.

Jim had smiled, flexed his hand and kissed Bones. “I’m an asshole”, he had said. “And I’ll probably do my very best to drive you away. Don’t let me do that”.

“No chance”, Bones had replied, scowling fiercely. “In it for the long run”.

Jim had grinned then, properly grinned.

“You might live to regret that”. But Bones didn’t think so.

__

 ** _One_**  
He lay beneath Bones, perfectly happy, perfectly relaxed. His hands were above his head, wrists held loosely in Bones’ grip. Once, he mused idly, he would have hated being held like this, would probably have fought against it. But this was Bones, who may enjoy stabbing him on a regular basis with the demon hypospray, but would cut out his own heart rather than hurt Jim.

“Hi”, he said and smiled when Bones’ eyes softened. “I’ve missed you so damn much”.

“Course you have, only natural”. Bones ducked his head and Jim’s eyes flickered closed, anticipating the kiss, but Bones held off, a smile beginning to touch his mouth.

Jim thought about pouting, but knew how much Bones hated that, so he settled for trailing his tongue along his lower lip, eyes focused on Bones’ mouth. Basically being as obvious as he could be short of writing it on his forehead, _Bones, come get me_.

Bones failed to go get him. He simply stayed where he was and - looked.

“Don’t go again”, he said finally. “Six months is about five and a half too long”.

“I have to get experience somehow, love”, Jim said. “And the _Farragut_ offered”.

“I get that”. Bones shifted his position and Jim couldn’t stifle the noise he made. Not that he tried too hard. “I get that”, he said again. “But you go with me next time”.

“Technically, this time around you would have come with me”, Jim pointed out, and Bones shifted again, this time making Jim’s eyes cross.

“I think I should point out that you’re really not in any kind of position to be pedantic”, Bones said, his lips just brushing Jim’s cheek. “I have just fucking missed you”.

“Yeah”, Jim breathed, flexing his wrists again in Bones’ hold. “So much. Missed this. Missed you touching me. Missed you”. He flexed his hands again, not wanting to be held any longer, and Bones got the message, letting him go. Jim immediately cupped Bones’ face in his hands. “Christ, it’s good to be back. Beautiful out there, big man, really beautiful, but lonely”.

“We’ll have to do something about that”. Bones stroked back the errant lock of Jim’s hair that he loved so much. “Let’s think about it for a little while”.

__

**_Two_**  
The first time Jim saw Bones step into a fight he lost control of his facial muscles and his jaw practically hit the floor. 

It had been Jim’s birthday and they were in a local bar indulging in the ritual they had developed over the past couple of years, toasting George’s memory, leaving a glass for him to join them. They had been deep in conversation, the rest of the world a long way away as far as they were concerned. Someone went past and knocked the back of Jim’s chair, causing him to spill the drink he had just picked up, but that night he didn’t care, simply wiped his hand on Bones’ shirt and carried on talking nineteen to the dozen. Bones glanced up briefly but it was no more than a token glower and they were both soon once again lost in each other.

The next time the back of Jim’s chair was barged he did glance back briefly but still didn’t respond. The person behind him did it again, and this time Jim sighed.

“Don’t”, said Bones. “He’s doing it to get a rise”.

“It’s working”, Jim gritted. “Fuckwit”.

“One of yours?” Bones asked, and Jim shrugged. What Bones really meant was _One of yours? One of those nameless people you’ve fucked when you’ve been in that dark place? That place I fight to keep you away from?_

“I don’t know”, Jim said. “So what if it is? They’re all old history now”. He smiled at Bones. “All grown up now. Got what I want”.

“Right answer”, Bones said, and then Jim saw his expression change. He glanced back over his shoulder just in time to duck as a hand came towards him. Not a fist, just a hand reaching out to grab him. Whoever it was still managed to grab a handful of collar and Jim moved backwards automatically simply to avoid being choked.

“...the fuck?” Jim tried to wrench himself free. “Don’t fucking touch me!”

“Little Jimmy Kirk”. The man who still had hold of his collar bent lower. “Remember me?”

“Only in my worst nightmares”, Jim answered. He had gone very still, and Bones could see his mind working at light speed.

“Get off him”. Bones hadn’t meant to say a word, but really what was he supposed to do? Just sit and stare like an idiot?

Nobody paid him any attention and so he said it again. This time Jim looked at him and shook his head minutely, but Bones ignored it. It wasn’t as if he didn’t know about Jim’s sordid past, after all.

“Listen, friend…”

“Not your friend”, Bones said. “Now get off him”.

“It’s okay, Bones…”

“Yeah, Bones, it’s okay”. The other man stared at Bones. “Just want to say hello to my old friend”. He shook Jim like a puppy and then lowered his head and deliberately bit his neck.

Jim pulled away immediately and put out a hand to Bones to stop him. There had been a king once, thousands of years previously, who had tried to hold back the tide. Jim now had as much success as that kin as he tried to deter Bones, who stood up and very deliberately set his feet.

There are a few times in life you can look back on as being a perfect moment, when everything aligns. And the punch that Bones delivered at that point was one such occasion. A perfect alignment of shoulder and hand, feet properly planted, weight evenly distributed, all power beautifully focused.

Jim’s “old friend” had no chance.

He went flying backwards ripping Jim’s collar in the process and making his head jerk back. Bones, completely ignoring the results of his handiwork, grabbed Jim’s hand and pulled him out of the bar.

The fresh air hitting him sobered him up immediately, and in the hazy light coming from the bar he looked at his hand which was pulsing with pain. Even the most perfect of punches can result in collateral damage.

“Fuck”. Jim’s voice was a weird mixture of appalled horror and respect. “Fuck, Bones, that was - quite something”.

Bones was still in a weird headspace, and without thinking he shot out his undamaged hand and grabbed what was left of Jim’s collar, pulling him forward so suddenly that Jim ended up on his toes as he tried to keep his balance, hands splayed on Bones’ chest.

“You shut up”, Bones growled. “Right now, just shut up”.

Jim’s eyes went wide with shock, but he did as he was told, and adjusting his grip, Bones turned them both and marched away from the bar and back towards their quarters. Jim squirmed experimentally, but Bones was in no mood for it and so Jim quietened down and simply walked alongside, matching his strides to Bones to ease the pressure of his grip.

Once back in the quarters they shared, Bones let go of Jim and walked into the bedroom. Jim stood by the door, uncertain. Bones reappeared with the portable regen in his hand. He took Jim in, his head down, arms folded across his chest, clearly trying to make himself small and silent. That sight made Bones’ mind clear as if he had been doused in cold water. He put the regen down and moved over to Jim. _If that kid flinches away from me, I will fucking kill myself._

“Jim”, he said softly. “Oh, Jim…” Jim’s head came up minutely, but not enough to meet Bones’ eyes. But he didn’t flinch.

“I know about your past”, Bones continued. “I’ve just never been - quite so close”.

Jim nodded.

“I’m not angry with you”. Bones kept his voice low. “How could I be angry?”

Jim shrugged. “My fault it happened”.

“Why?”

“Because of - what I’ve done”. Jim moved then just slightly, but it was towards Bones, not away. “I spent a lot of time on my knees, you know that”.

“Don’t care”, Bones interrupted. “Jim, we’ve spoken about this and I’ve told you it doesn’t matter. That guy is the one who made me angry, not you”. He risked a step forward. “That guy touched you. He assaulted you. You weren’t doing a thing”.

“It’s always going to be like this”, Jim sad. “As long as we’re here, people will crawl out of the woodwork”. He finally looked up at met Bones’ eyes, and Bones almost exclaimed aloud at the depths of pain in them. “I’m never going to get away from what I did and it’s going to be aimed at you as well. Why should I expect you to put up with it?”

“Oh, fuck off”, Bones said on a long exhalation. “I know you haven’t been exactly a paragon in the past, but you just answer me this. Have you fucked about at all, even once, since we’ve been together?”

“No”. Simple fact, simply stated.

“Well then”. Bones took another step forward. “You want to come here?” He held his arms open and after a slight hesitation, Jim stepped into the embrace. Bones heard the sigh of relief and echoed it with one of his own.

“Silly bastard”, he said, his lips against Jim’s ear. “As if somebody with no neck and whose knuckles drag on the ground as he walks could ever split us up”.

Jim burrowed into Bones’ embrace, hands sliding under that oh so tight t-shirt and resting on the firm flesh of his back.

“Hell of a right hook”, he murmured.

Bones snorted. “Need to get the regen on it. But you’re right, it was quite something”.

“My hero”. Jim kissed Bones’ neck. “I’ve got to get his stink off me. You fix your hand and I’ll take a shower”.

“Good idea. Go to bed. We don’t ever need to talk about this. I doubt if the security forces will get involved”.

Jim nodded, still subdued, and pulled away heading for the bathroom. Bones watched until he disappeared and then sighed and made for the regen.

Much later, utterly relaxed and on the verge of sleep, Bones dipped his head and deliberately kissed Jim’s neck in the exact place that had been bitten earlier that evening. Jim muttered wordlessly and squirmed closer, pulling Bones’ arms around him more tightly.

“I’d fucking die for you”, Bones whispered. “I would cut out my heart and serve it to you on a plate for your dinner if you asked me”. He thought (hoped, maybe) that Jim was too far down the road to realise what was being said, but a slight squeeze of his hands dispelled that notion.

“Happy birthday, gorgeous”, Bones whispered into the dark. “Sleep tight”.

**_Three_ **

“You are fucking incredible”. Jim kissed the top of Bones’ head. “Swear to you, you are just amazing”.

Bones was seated, leaning against Jim’s hip, eyes closed, face drawn with absolute exhaustion. It looked as if a stiff breeze would knock him over.

“You saved them all”, Jim continued, his lips still resting against the top of Bones’ head. “All those kids”. He closed his own eyes in remembered horror.

“It was bad”, Bones said hoarsely.

“But you did it”. Jim could see them all, chained to the walls and to each other, starving, huge eyed and bloated with hunger, covered in lice and open sores. Jim had been so horrified that he had closed down, simply running on autopilot as he arranged the rescue effort, but Bones was everywhere, treating them, talking to them, inspiring them. Jim could see it in those kids’ eyes. They would look at Bones, hollow eyed and hopeless, but within a few minutes there would be a spark. A couple of the kids even spoke, or at least tried to, through lacerated throats.

He worked for eighteen hours straight. They all did, but Bones was in the thick of it, along with the other medical staff. He had ensured they had taken regular breaks. But he had kept going.

And so Jim had come into the med bay absolutely wrung out, to find Bones half-asleep in the chair, the med bay crowded with these lost children, all sleeping peacefully.

“You need to come to bed, big man”, Jim said. “You’ll be no good for these kids tomorrow if you don’t sleep”. Bones didn’t respond, so Jim continued. “Hell, my friend, I need to sleep so god knows how you feel”. He glanced up at the staff on duty, all moving quietly between beds, or at their stations. “You can leave them”, he said. “The guys here are taking care of them”.

“Never seen anything like it”, Bones said, resting his head even more heavily against Jim’s hip.

Jim thought fleetingly of his own trauma that was going to have to be dealt with. The sight and smell of what they had seen had brought back far too many of his own memories. He clamped down hard on that. It could wait.

“You need to sleep”. Jim pushed away and dropped to his knees at the side of the chair. “Come to bed. I’ll take care of you”.

Bones’ lips twitched tiredly but he still didn’t move. He very clearly just couldn’t do it.

“Okay”, Jim said. “Hang on. Don’t run off”. He stood up and went out into the main med bay. Immediately the senior nurse approached. “Captain?”

“Nurse Xao”, Jim said quietly. “I wonder if I could ask you for a favour…?”

-

Twenty minutes later, Jim closed the door to Bones’ office, locked it and pulled down the blinds. He moved to stand in front of Bones. “Hands”, he said, holding out his own. “Come on”.

Bones opened heavy eyes but finally responded to Jim’s voice, and reached up. Jim pulled him to his feet.

“Shower”, he said. “You smell a bit - pungent”. He put his arm around Bones’ waist and led him towards the shower, stripping Bones of his sweaty clothes and shedding his own at the same time.

“Next time we shower together, hopefully we’ll both be awake”, Jim muttered to himself.

Once out of the shower, Bones had woken up enough to help, although his help was a bit of a hindrance as well.

“Were not the most co-ordinated people are we?” Jim said, ducking just in time to avoid being smacked in the eye by Bones’ flailing hand. “We’d never win a most co-ordinated couple contest”.

“If you think this is bad, remind me to tell you about Chekov and that Andorian”.

Jim looked up, smiling. “Hi”, he said. “look, it still speaks”.

“What are you doing?”

“I am spreading unguents and lotions of sensual pleasure upon your glorious body”. Jim’s smile turned to a grin. “Well, some of that’s a lie”.

“How much?”

Jim shrugged. “All of it. It’s just moisturiser”.

“You’re putting moisturiser on my - what? My ass?”

“Want my man smooth”, Jim said. “Stop being so primitive. I’ve seen your side of the bathroom closet, remember”.

“I’m in your hands”. Bones’ eyes closed. “Can’t remember when I’ve been so tired”. He paused. “Jim? This isn’t our bathroom”.

“Observant as ever”. Jim was on his knees by now, and he looked up. “I tried to get you to leave the med bay but you wouldn’t come, so we’re staying here”.

“I can’t leave them”, Bones said. “I just cant’”.

“I know”, said Jim simply. He stood up and kissed Bones’ cheek. “So, come on big man”. He took Bones’ hand and led him into a small side room which led off the main office.

Xao and a couple of her colleagues had done a brilliant job. Although there was a couch in there, and Bones had slept on it in the past, Jim had wanted a bit more than that, so now there was a biobed that looked so comfortable Jim’s knees buckled. Xao had piled it with blankets and pillows and - Jim laughed out loud - two teddy bears, one in scrubs and a mask,the other in a gold shirt. Jim made a mental note to somehow reward Xao and her colleagues.

“On the bed, big man”. He pushed Bones towards the bed. He looked, Jim thought idly, like a zombie. And he knew zombies.

“You look like a zombie”, he said, watching fondly as Bones fell into the bed, pushed a couple of pillows onto the floor and then opened one eye.

“Fuck off”, he said clearly. “Now get in here with me”.

“How do you know I was planning to sleep there? Not much room for two on those beds”.

“Because you’re standing there bollock naked. Call me foolish, but I can’t see you walking back to our quarters like that”.

Jim glanced down at himself. “Good point. Where would I put my captain’s stripes?”

Bones snorted a laugh and patted the bed next to him. Jim made sure the door was closed, giving them a double barrier from the med bay then climbed into the bed, wrapping himself round Bones.

“You smell great”, he said drowsily. “You smell clean and warm. You smell like home”.

**_Four_**  
The last time Jim Kirk had cried, he had been seven years old, and his stepfather had hit him so hard that he had actually bounced off a wall. It had hurt but that wasn’t the reason for the tears. He had cried because of the shock, and because he was seven years old and because there was not one person in the world who cared if he lived or died. Frank had then punched him on the rebound and told him to stop being a baby. And that had been the last time Jim Kirk had cried. On that day he began to change and the shell began to grow around his heart; a shell that would not be pierced until the day he met Bones.

But as he lay on the floor of this utterly ridiculous holding cell (frankly, it was a fucking _cellar_ ), he wanted to weep because of the sheer foolishness of the situation and the fact that he hurt so damn much, and the fact that he had Bones with him, and that wasn’t fair, because Bones didn’t deserve to be in trouble. 

“I really fucking hurt”, he said, instead of weeping.

“I can only begin to imagine”, Bones said softly. He wasn’t touching Jim because there wasn’t an inch of flesh he could touch that wouldn’t hurt, but he sat as close as he could, offering comfort by his presence and his warmth. “That thing they used on you has done something hinky to your nervous system, and it’s started to react badly”.

“I know”, Jim gritted. “Every damn nerve end is on fire. Bones, it’s - agony”.

Bones didn’t speak. Jim never admitted to anything hurting, never mind things being agony. He wanted to get his hands on their captors and he wanted to rip their heads off. When this was over, there was going to be hell to pay, he had promised himself that the second Jim was dragged from the cell.

“We’re in a bit of a bind here, my friend”, said Bones after a long silence. “This cell is like a Faraday cage. I sure hope Chekov can work out a way of penetrating it”.

“If anybody can, he can”, Jim said. He had begun to tremble, but it wasn’t through cold, simply because of the pain, and Bones’ hands clenched into tight fists of anger at his helplessness.

“Kid, I don’t know what to do”, he said. “I don’t know how to help you. I can’t even touch you”.

“It’s okay”, Jim said, trying to smile. “You can make it up to me when we’re out of this”. He broke off and his back arched off the ground as a spasm of pain passed through all his nerve endings. “Fuck”, he said when it finally eased enough for him to speak again. “How long will this last?”

“Shouldn’t be long”, Bones promised. “But it’s going to feel like forever”.

“Already does”. Jim swallowed. “Talk to me. Tell me something I don’t know about you”.

Bones paused for a moment, trying to think of something that might take Jim’s mind off the pain he was in and the situation they had ended up in.

“When I was a kid”, he said finally, “I wanted to be the first ever doctor-stroke-magician. I can do magic”.

Jim’s eyes slitted open. “Well you’ve certainly got magic hands”, he said, trying to smile.

“I was good”, Bones said. “I was - magic. I could do tricks with cards, I could mind read, and I could do something really clever involving a rope and some flags”. He smiled. “I used to do parties for kids, you know?”

Jim was listening more to the tone than the words. He had realised a long time ago that there was something about Bones’ voice that calmed him in a way that nothing else could, and although the pain remained savage, his entire body twitching, his mind began to lose some of the taut agony.

“So why didn’t you carry on with it?” he asked breathlessly, his entire left leg suddenly cramping up as the nerves all fired at the same time. Bones saw it and Jim wanted nothing more than to take away the expression in his eyes, but he functioned best by touch not words, and he couldn’t make his limbs do what he wanted, so all he had was his second best, and even that wasn’t working well. But he tried.

“Don’t look like that”, he said. “Breaks my fucking heart seeing all that guilt. We’re fuckwits, but none of this is our fault, you know that. It wasn’t your fault and it wasn’t mine; it was just bad luck”. It was a long speech and it had taken a lot to keep his voice reasonably steady. “So we’ll deal with all that later, okay? Tell me your story”.

Bones looked at him then. “Wish I could touch you”, he said softly. “When we get out of here I’m going to wrap you up and pretty much not let you go”.

“Sounds like a plan. So tell me”.

“So I went to one of these parties, a load of kids, few adults supposedly overseeing everything. I was only a kid myself, maybe thirteen? Maybe not even that. So I was doing my thing, and the kids were - okay. They were maybe seven or eight so some were really impressionable and some were little bastards who spent their time heckling me”.

Jim tried to laugh, but it hurt too much. The thought of Bones being heckled was genuinely hilarious. If only those kids had realised the trouble they could have been in…

Bones’ lips twitched as he realised what Jim was thinking. “I know, right? Kids didn’t realise how lucky they were. Anyway, one of these brats had cleared off with some of his mates and the next thing there was a scream and a - well, a thud - and the brat had fallen off the roof of the house. The adults had done a great job. Think they were all too deep into their mimosas. So I put the rabbit down - not a euphemism, get that look off your face - and I went and I looked at him. His name was Aidan. He was the first person I ever treated. Couldn’t do much, but I looked after him, I made him comfortable, I talked to him - and that kid Aidan, he woke something in me…” Bones was lost in the past now. “I realised what it was that I wanted to be doing, what I should be doing. Didn’t matter that Aidan was a shit and under other circumstances I would have walked through him for a short cut; at that point I realised that I knew how to put personal feelings aside to help”. He shrugged. “He was the reason I do what I do”. He looked down at Jim. “There’s only one person who won’t let me put aside my feelings, one person who makes me want to scream and swear every single day”. He closed his eyes. “But he makes me want to get down on my knees and thank whatever gods are listening that I found him”. He opened his eyes again. “And so you have to get better, and we have to get out of this, because otherwise I’m going on a medical rampage”.

Jim’s eyes had grown very soft. “What’s a medical rampage?”

“I’ll just run about randomly innoculating people against a variety of diseases and telling them to lie down and make sure they stay hydrated”. Bones raised an eyebrow. “It’s quite a healthy rampage”.

After a moment Jim said, “It doesn’t hurt so much now, thank fuck”. He moved experimentally. “Ow. No, that’s a lot better”. He tentatively reached out a hand and touched Bones’ fingers. “Doesn’t hurt now”.

Bones wrapped his fingers around Jim’s own and they stayed like that, not speaking much until the cell (fucking cellar Jim insisted in his mind) door opened and Spock, Sulu and dear old Cupcake burst through the door.

__

It had been a simple transport onto a new planet to make contact. They knew that lifeforms existed on there but they didn’t have the technology to deal with a huge spaceship hovering above them. So a team had beamed down, a team that had included Jim and Bones. Who had ended up being taken captive by a bunch of beings who may not be able to cope with a spaceship, but by criminy, they had seriously - serious - methods of torture, and Jim suspected it was going to take him quite a long time to get over this one. The beings hadn’t been willing to speak or to negotiate, simply took them and locked them in the cell ( _cellar!_ ) with no clear plan as to what they were going to do with them, or even why they had done it.

By the time the rescue party had got them back to the _Enterprise_ , Jim was almost free of pain and Bones was absolutely livid. He was all for wanting to give their captors measles as punishment, and just the thought of that made Jim laugh until he was almost sick, and because that laugh made Bones want to hand Jim the universe on a plate, the indigenous race managed to escape the measles.

__

Bones dimmed the lights in their quarters and made for the bed. Jim, already waiting for him, smiled up at him, trusting and open as nobody else ever saw him. That thought made Bones stop in his tracks. _Nobody else has ever seen him like this_. He didn’t look like the captain, he didn’t look like the dignified representative of Starfleet; he didn’t even look like the dork who pushed on pull doors; he looked like - Jim. And Bones didn’t think he had ever loved him more.

“Hey”, he said, sliding into bed and pulling Jim into his arms. “How are you going?”

“My leg still has a really weird thing where it suddenly shoots out randomly”. Jim kissed Bones’ chest. “Very disconcerting”.

“It’ll settle overnight”, Bones said. “Your nerves are still sending signals that they shouldn’t be”.

“Story of my life”. Jim settled more comfortably. “Why do these things happen to us?”

“Fuck knows”, Bones said shortly and Jim laughed. “Other people just decide to go for a little visit, drink a cup of tea, perhaps have a bit of finger food - we get locked in a cell and you get tortured. Just another Wednesday in the history of Starfleet”.

“It was a cellar”, Jim corrected.

“I don’t know why you’re so obsessed with that”, Bones replied. “It doesn’t actually help, you know. In fact, it’s worse. Just makes us sound like we were locked in someone’s house. How useless are we?”  
They lay quietly for a long minute, tangled comfortably together. It was Jim who broke the silence.

“My Bones?”

“Hmmm?”

“You should start doing the magic again, you know. You never mentioned it before, not all the way through the Academy, not ever. But your voice when you were talking about it today… you sounded like you were yearning for something”.

“Yeah?” Bones tightened his grip briefly. “Maybe I was just thinking about the past. Most of us have something good from our childhood that we’d like to go back to. Not that we miss the time, just - the feel of it, you know?”

Jim honestly didn’t as his childhood had been one trauma after another, but he grunted a non-committal sound. Bones knew what it meant and he dropped an apologetic kiss on Jim’s cheek.

“Will you?” Jim asked. “Start again?” “I want you to”.

“I’m too old”, Bones protested. “You have to practice every day or else it’s too easy to see what’s really going on”.

Jim didn’t push it any further, he knew better, and simply settled into Bones’ arms, eyes already drifting closed. Takes it out of you, being randomly tortured by a bunch of suburbanites. In a fucking cellar.

Bones lay still, arms full of the man he loved more than the entire universe, listening as he fell asleep, smiling as that misbehaving leg cramped and then shot out, catching Bones a hefty kick on the shin. Jim slept through it, completely oblivious.

Bones thought about Aidan, the boy who started it all for him. Aidan had been killed when he was only 13, still a troublemaker, still doing bad shit. He had stolen a car and managed to crash it into the only tree in about fifty miles, almost decapitating himself. At the time it had barely registered on Bones’ radar, but he spared a thought for that kid now. Because that kid had started a chain of events that led directly to this place, right now. Lying in bed with the love of his life on a tin can flying through the dark.

“Sleep sound, kid”, Bones whispered, then turned onto his side, pulled Jim that little bit closer and closed his eyes.  
**_Five_**  
The _Enterprise_ was rocked by another huge blast, and the terrified screams of the injured and dying rang through the corridors. Jim, standing tall and proud on the bridge, kept his eyes locked with those of the Romulan commander who was safe in his own ship at the back of the attacking fleet. He would not - he absolutely would not - show by even the slightest flicker of an eyelid that his ship was dying around him. They were not speaking, all negotiations had ended. They had never been negotiations anyway; just a hugely disturbed Romulan who had somehow infected his entire fleet. He had simply ranted at Jim and refused to listen.

And now they were down to a fucking who-blinks-first contest. If it had just been him, Jim would have laughed at the sheer foolishness of it. In the vastness of space, they had to run into this. Fabulous.

He kept looking fixedly at the screen, aware of what was going on behind him as his crew fought for their lives and the life of the ship.

“Just hang on for a little bit longer”, Jim thought desperately. “We can get out of this”. But he had to stand there, and show no fear.

“You’re putting on a brave face”, said the Romulan. “But you know that surrender is the only way to save your ship. And your crew”.

“I’m not putting on any kind of face”, responded Jim. “Messages have been sent, so even if you do succeed in destroying us, you’ll be hunted to the ends of the universe”.

The Romulan laughed. “You think highly of yourself”.

Jim forced himself to shrug. “We are the flagship of the fleet. It’s not pride to think that you’ll be chased down”. He showed a little of his cockiest smirk. “It’s your choice”.

“Sir”. Sulu came up beside him, staying just out of range of the Romulan, speaking very softly. “It’s done. Mr Scott has rigged up the warp drive”.

Barely moving his lips, Jim simply said, “punch it”.

She didn’t sail smoothly into warp as she usually did; the _Enterprise_ was critically hurt and was in pain. But she responded as best she could, and with a sound that to Jim sounded like a scream of pain, she pushed herself into warp and took them away from the stand-off.

Jim felt his entire body sag in relief. He had been locked in his face-off with the Romulans for almost an hour, and it was only now that he could take stock of what had happened.

“Mr Sulu, get us to the nearest base”, he snapped. “Liaise with engineering to nurse her as much as you have to”.

“Sir”.

“Mr Spock, what do you have to tell me?”

The list of damage that Spock ran through made Jim feel nauseous. Major hull breaches, dozens dead; hundreds injured.

“Sir, I have to confess that I do not understand what caused the Romulans to attack”, Spock said at the end of his report.

“I don’t think there was a reason”, Jim said wearily. “Truly, I think we were in the wrong place at the wrong time. The Romulan leader was obviously somewhat - unbalanced”. He shrugged tiredly. “Just really bad luck”.

“Indeed”, Spock responded, in his usual deadpan fashion. Not even an Eyebrow of Irony.

Jim checked with the rest of the bridge crew, making sure they were oky, talking to them, listening to their reports. They had all behaved superbly, as he would expect. They had been minutes from death and still they had worked. He was so damn proud of them.

Only then did he move to the captain’s chair and sit down, just taking a moment to try and gather his thoughts. Then he took a deep breath and contacted engineering, having a long and on Scotty’s part extremely shouty, conversation regarding the state of the engines.

Finally, Jim broke into the rant. “Just do what you can, Scotty. Nurse her home”

“What else do you think I’m doing?” snapped Scotty. “She’ll get us there, but she’ll not be happy”.

“Scotty…” Jim paused. “Just do your best”.

He paused once again, and then contacted the med bay for the next report.

It wasn’t as terrible as he was expecting. He had lost crew members and he would have to live with the guilt. But there were no serious injuries, amazingly enough. All of their regularly rehearsed emergency procedures had worked, and miraculously, although the damage was serious, it was confined to the areas which weren’t heavily crewed. They had been lucky.

“Okay”, he said at the end of the report. “We’re on our way to the nearest base now, Doctor, so we can hopefully arrange onward transport it needed”. A quick question to Sulu and he was back. “We’ll be there in thirty minutes”.

“I’ll have the patients ready for transfer”, McCoy answered. “And the crew will all need psych testing after this, which can be arranged on arrival”. There was a pause. “And it’s my job to psych test you”.

“I know”, said Jim blandly.

“And I mean it, Jim”.

“I know”, Jim said again. “Thanks, Doctor McCoy. You have been splendid as usual”. He cut the communication before Bones could nag him again.

__

Jim had a word for every single casualty who was carried off the _Enterprise_ ; a ‘thank you’, a ‘well done’, a ‘you’ll be back’. Bones came out with the last of the casualties and moved to stand beside Jim, their shoulders just touching.

“How you doing?” Jim asked softly.

“I’m fine. What about you?” Jim opened his mouth, but Bones overrode him. “Be honest”.

Jim huffed a laugh. “Shaky”, he admitted. “Been captain for about seven and a half minutes and I’ve broken another ship”.

Bones leaned slightly, pressing against Jim’s shoulder. “Find me when you can. You were brilliant”.

__

Late that evening when Jim had been questioned and questioned again, when all the crew had been taken off and questioned before being put up in Starfleet accommodation, he came back to his silver lady, who was docked and looking like a wounded animal. Two complete breaches showed, along with numerous surface ‘wounds’. Jim stood and gazed at her for such a long time that his stillness began to attract the attention of the engineers.

Finally he moved, and made his way inside and did what he had come to love doing, even in the short time he had captained this ship. He walked her corridors, running his fingers over her skin, whispering his thanks to her again and again.

Eventually, inevitably, his feet took him to the med bay. He knew it would be empty as Bones had gone with the casualties, but it was one of the places Jim always came for comfort.

He pulled himself up onto one of the treatment tables and with a huge sigh covered his face with his hands, the events of the day playing behind his eyes, and all the concern that he tried to keep hidden flooding to the surface. He was young, he was inexperienced; had he really handled this as well as he should? What could he have done differently that would have saved just one person? The scenes played and no matter how hard he tried, he truly thought that he had done his best.

“Hey”. The voice was soft, but behind his hands Jim smiled.

“Hey”. This time his hands were pulled away and held. “thought I’d find you here”.

“One of my favourite places”, Jim said. “At least when you’re not abusing me with hyposprays”. He sighed. “How did it go?”

“They’re all settled”, Bones said, casually linking their fingers together. “We were lucky. You did a good job”.

“Did I?” Jim asked. “I did what I could. But I was basically playing chicken with a Romulan as my ship was being pulverised”.

“Because that’s what you had to do”, Bones said. “If you hadn’t kept his attention it would have been so much worse”.

“I know that I don’t have the experience, I know that I got the _Enterprise_ on a fluke…”

“That’s true”, Bones said. “But that’s why you have a crew, so that we can help each other”. He shook Jim’s hands. “You did good”.

Jim’s shoulders sagged and he leaned his head against Bones’ chest.

“I told you space was dangerous”, Bones said gruffly. “But would you listen? You would not”. He kissed the top of Jim’s ear. “Next time I say it, you better believe me”.

Jim smiled into Bones’ chest, but didn’t answer. He was too tired and too damn traumatised.

“Do we have a room?” he asked finally. “I may have forgotten to ask”.

“Lucky that one of us has a functioning brain cell”, said Bones. “We have a room in the Starfleet block”. He tugged Jim off the treatment bed and tipped his head up. “You did good, don’t think otherwise”.

“Okay”. Jim smiled and kissed Bones on the corner of his mouth. “Take me somewhere so I can eat and then take me to bed”.

Bones snorted and grabbed Jim’s hand.

“Can I just tell you something?” Jim said, reaching up and touching Bones’ face, turning him so that they were face to face.

“If the worst had happened today”, Jim said carefully, thumb tracing Bones’ lips. “I think that I’d be glad you were with me”. He smiled. “End of the world and all that shit - that would be bad. Even just the end of the _Enterprise…_ ”

“Especially for us”, Bones agreed dryly.

“Yeah, that”. Jim stopped and sighed. Making less sense than usual here. He took a deep breath. “If the end has to come, then I’m glad we’re together”. He looked at Bones. “You know?”

Bones pulled him close, hugging him hard. “Yeah” he said. “I know”.


End file.
